The following letter is from someone I’ve known most of my life. He is a personal friend of my family; and although very old, he’s become very dear to me. I can’t remember how old, but he isn’t into emailing and stuff like that. He has what we call a “home help,” and he dictates his letters while she types and posts them to me. I really respect him, and in many ways he’s been like a father and mentor. I ask him questions in the letters I write. He’s always so good about answering them—helping me to understand life. This is what he wrote to me not so long ago, and I thought it worthy of sharing with you.
My Dearest Kathryn,
I was so excited when I received your letter in the post the other day. I love hearing from you and finding out how you are doing. From what you were describing, it sounds like you are facing many challenges that are providing opportunities for growth. I particularly appreciated and was honoured when you asked me a question about the true meaning of love. Now there is a question, that through the centuries, much has been written about, sung about, laughed about, cried about and even fought over! The answer to “What is the true meaning of love?” is like a treasure hidden that only those who have a genuine desire to know will find. As you seem so interested in knowing what LOVE means, I will share with you my thoughts.
Love in its highest and truest form is absolutely selfless, sacrificial, giving and expecting nothing in return. It always prefers, considers, thinks and does for another over and above itself. Love is passionately committed to the well-being of others. It takes no thought for itself. Love reaches out to those who don’t deserve it, and doesn’t wait to be loved back. It keeps giving unconditionally.
So many people confuse love with a feeling, but love is really a choice. For love to be love it needs someone to give itself to. It cannot exist on its own. Love chooses to limit itself in order to foster and nurture a relationship with the one loved. Kathryn, remember how you taught nursery school children? When you played a game with them, you purposefully pretended that you didn’t know how to play, allowing them to explain the rules, and even letting them win. You wanted them to learn that it wasn’t about taking advantage of another; rather, it was all about love and respecting each other—enjoying a relationship.
True love is never about elevating oneself. In fact, it’s quite the contrary. It’s about choosing to limit itself and choosing to serve. It doesn’t highlight what is lacking in someone, but what is favourable in someone. Love from its great height calls, woos and encourages the ones it loves to come up higher, and shows them the more excellent way of getting there. Love covers a multitude of sins and provides the remedy for it. While people may naturally experience fear, pain or demand their rights; love casts out fear, heals the pain, and surrenders its rights.
In fact, love has no rights. Many people believe that by maintaining their rights, or even fighting for them, they will find freedom. True freedom is not found in holding onto, but in letting go of what we think belongs to us. Living according to our rights is living independently and love does not live independently, but interdependently. When we live interdependent we live in true relationship. Love is about laying down your life for another.
I once heard a story about two goats meeting each other on a narrow bridge. They were both head to head and there was no way to get around. Heads down and horns up, they butted against each other to push the other back in order to get across. With both horns’ locked, neither was getting anywhere. Finally, one decided that not just its head needed to be lowered, but its entire body. It bent its knees and laid down for the other goat to walk over it to the opposite side. Child, love would far rather bend down, than raise itself up. Love washes feet.
You know how much I love sitting in my big recliner chair that faces the street. From there I watch the children go back and forth to school. It’s like I’m watching the world go by. The funny thing is they can’t see me watching them from behind my lace curtain. I’ve witnessed many fights between those children, and often, it is over one trying to get back what belonged to them.
I remember one day two boys were fighting over a basketball. One of them threw it into my lovely rose bush, breaking it. How was I going to sort this out? The easy solution would have been to buy both of them a basketball. They would each have their own, but would that end their fighting? No. I realized it would only foster more independence, more selfishness, and even more conflict. I could also lay down the law and tell them how to conduct themselves on my property. This was not the answer either, as it would only force me to scrutinize their every move. Then they would probably fear me, rather than develop a healthy respect for what I value…
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