Is anyone out there listening to me? (Part 2)

“There is a satisfaction we don’t want to come to until we come to it in God… [Disappointments] serve to remind us every day that we cannot make life work the way we want… If we’ll let it, the disappointment can be God’s way of continually drawing us back to Himself.” (John Eldredge)

Life is full of disappointments, no doubt about it. When ourselves, others or God don’t measure up to our expectations we get disappointed. Like the above quote so aptly says, “Disappointments serve to remind us every day that we cannot make life work the way we want…” I’m re-reading a book I read after a major disappointment seven years ago called “Disappointment with God” by Philip Yancey. I had believed God for something I thought He was giving back to me after years of praying and dying to my original vision. Because it didn’t turn out the way I wanted and hoped for, I was left in despair. Anger at God and other people involved, grief, hurt, betrayal, and hopelessness were all emotions that gripped me. At the time, my cry was, “Is anyone out there listening to me?” All I wanted was for someone to understand my heartache. Perhaps that’s why I bought such a book – in hopes of finding others, to whom I could relate – to know I wasn’t alone in my disappointment. As the author took me through the Bible, I found myself keeping company with the major and minor prophets, kings, judges, people of low and high estate - all of them thoroughly disappointed with God. Life hadn’t turned out, for any of them, what they had expected. For some, it was consequential of their sin, but for others, it was a repercussion of the poor choices of others. I definitely remember reading it from a “me” perspective and found solace knowing I wasn’t the only one disappointed with God. 

Since then I have had huge letdowns that I’ve had to push my heart through. The second half of the above quote says, “…If we’ll let it, the disappointment can be God’s way of continually drawing us back to Himself” and this is what I have found to be true. Another disappointment has recently knocked at my door. Thankfully, I only entertained it for a brief time, not like seven years ago! I recently made a trip to my parents’ home in Canada where I had left the book “Disappointment with God” on my bookshelf. I returned to Cape Town with it thinking I would have it as a resource to help someone on his or her journey. When this recent disappointment came, I looked at the book and sensed God wanted me to read it again. In many ways I believe it’s been God’s way of showing me how far He has brought my heart in these past seven years. Instead of reading it from a “Is anyone out there listening to me?” perspective, I read it from a “Is anyone out there listening to Me?” perspective. I now think it should be retitled, “The disappointment of God!” God has allowed plenty of disappointments to come knocking at my door and because I’m finally cooperating with His purposes and His perspective, I am letting them draw me back to Himself. 

It’s becoming less and less how grieved, hurt, betrayed and disappointed I feel and more and more about how grieved, hurt, betrayed and disappointed God feels. And He does feel. How can we, who have been made in His image feel, if He doesn’t? Our continued misuse and abuse of our spirits, souls and bodies grieves and hurts Him. The more we tune into the cry of His heart, “Is anyone out there listening to Me?” the more, I believe, we will do as the apostle Peter exhorts us to do…      

“So roll up your sleeves, put your mind in gear, be totally ready to receive the gift that’s coming when Jesus arrives. Don’t lazily slip back into those old grooves of evil, doing just what you feel like doing. You didn’t know any better then; you do now. As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God’s life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness. God said, “I am holy; you be holy.” You call out to God for help and he helps – he’s a good Father that way. But don’t forget, he’s also a responsible Father, and won’t let you get by with sloppy living. Your life is a journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God…”