Form or Reality? (Part 3)

“Are you two sisters?” is the question we get no matter where we are in the world. “You two are so opposite” is how anyone who has been in our presence for a few hours would describe us. So how could two friends and missionary colleagues who look so similar yet act so different continue a friendship and working relationship for the past 18 years? My answer, “With a lot of hard work!” 

One of my spiritual sons was sharing at my 50^th Birthday celebration and said that when he got married he thought it was going to be simple. He had no idea it would require so much hard work. He was commenting on the fact that as a spiritual mother to he and his wife I had come alongside to help walk them through challenges they had had in their relationship. I hadn’t been married, but “the nature of the beast” is pretty much the same in all of our relationships – lack of openness and honesty, vulnerability, taking ownership and responsibility for our actions or lack thereof, humility, grace and forgiveness. 

I have a lot of spiritual children (young adults in their 20’s, 30’s) whom I’ve fed at some point during their journeys with Jesus. I’ve made a concerted effort to keep in touch with as many as possible (this is when WhatsApp comes in handy!). Many of them I know would view me as a mentor or discipler, and some have asked me to be that to them. The interesting thing is that unless I do the pursuing, most of them wouldn’t be in contact to share where they are at or be seeking counsel on how to move forward. Even in their crises I will often be the last to find out what’s happening, but when I do, I’m often the first to come to their rescue. I often wonder if these crises could have been avoided if they had chosen to connect more regularly and had openly shared, been accountable, and applied truths from the Word? 

The fact is in friendship, marriage, mentoring (just three I’ve chosen to highlight) we love the form or idea of it, but not the reality or hard work it requires to maintain. There were countless times in my friendship and working relationship with my friend that I wanted to get off the narrow road. To me staying on the narrow road meant me facing the issues of my own heart and I didn’t want to. Proverbs 27:17 in the Amplified Bible reads, “Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend [to show rage or worthy purpose].” That says it all! Whether it’s in a friendship, marriage, or a mentoring relationship we were meant to sharpen each other’s characters, to rub off the rough edges in one another. My friend has definitely done this for me over the past 18 years and I’m sure she would attest to me doing similar in her life. I have counselled many married couples in their young adult years, and because of the sharpening God has done in my life, I have been able to lead them to places where they, thankfully, chose to forgive and be restored. One of my sons whom I counselled a few years ago messaged me recently, after he watched the movie “Fireproof,” to thank me for getting him to the place of wanting to forgive and be restored with his wife. I also find that when I do connect with those I am helping on their journeys with Jesus, they are sharpening me as much as I hope I am sharpening them.

Whether we are involved in friendships, marriages or mentoring relationships our form or idea are often not the same as the other person’s. Reality kicks in fairly soon in an ongoing relationship and the distance between our form or idea and our reality is our disappointment. When we stay living with disappointment we lose heart and want to find greener pastures. That will only serve to repeat the process with someone else. Staying on that narrow road, letting go of our forms and ideas, facing our realities and working through our disappointments is the more challenging option, but the most fulfilling nonetheless.