No more small talk

“If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.”  ~ Nelson Mandela                                                            

This is such an appropriate time for remembering a “history maker,” a “world changer,” a “freedom fighter,” a “minister of reconciliation.” What moves the world to remember such a man whom most never met? I believe it is because he communicated both in word and action that all people are to be valued. This special regard for people resounded throughout the numerous newspaper interviews I read from prison guards to bodyguards. It may have been as simple as acknowledging their Birthday or making sure his employees were served the same meals as himself – no favouritism or elitism allowed. From prisoner to President his love for people remained consistent. From dignitaries to the derelict, he showed no differences. Nelson Mandela had indeed learned to talk to a man in his language that penetrated his heart.

As I ponder this quality and legacy, I wonder if the same would be said of me? I say I’m here to serve this younger generation, but am I consistently talking to them in a language that goes to their hearts or to their heads? To be honest, I constantly ask myself if I am reaching their hearts. And if I’m not, I pray “Lord, help me to know how to communicate with them in their language.” Perhaps I am when I sit outside the Jameson Hall at the University of Cape Town waiting for one of my spiritual daughters, Cheryl, to exit as a graduate after a long, hard climb… I wonder if I’m talking to her in a language that is touching her heart? I can only hope so. I quote myself from my book "The Treasure Within", "Genuine parenting is rooted in the sharing of hearts - relationship." I realize more and more that the invitation for my spiritual children to share their hearts comes when I demonstrate that I care about their lives, and not just care, but consider their opinions and ideas. They need to know that they won't be quickly shut down or judged when they share something that they think won't meet with my approval. Have I offered them a platform for dialogue and discussion? Is it a case of together discovering the answers to their questions from the Word of God? I know I am on a similar journey that requires me to be just as open and vulnerable as I would like them to be with me. My own transparent communication reveals that I, too, haven't got life all figured out and I am still "working out my salvation with fear and trembling." In other words, I haven't arrived and am still very much in a process of new discoveries and working at applying truth and wisdom. I didn't start this way, rather quite the opposite. I would encourage them to share their hearts while withholding mine thinking I would lose respect in their eyes if they knew past and present processes and challenges. Only later did I discover that as much as I had greater respect for leaders who were open and vulnerable, the same held true for my children respecting me more as I allowed myself to be real with them. Now I endeavour, albeit not perfectly, to present to them a "reality" of walking and working out a relationship with Jesus and not a religious "form" that will ultimately suck life and genuine love from them. Is this how I can speak to them in their language that goes to their hearts? I can only hope so. 

by Kathy (Mentor)

How can one reach for what they cannot see? How can you aspire to what you have not known is out there beyond what you have lived your whole life seeing? Or harder still, what you do not realize is on the inside of you? How can you see above the fog that blankets your worldview unless you are standing on the shoulders of a giant?

Giants come to us in many forms. Parents, school teachers, pastors; the great leaders who stand before us modelling for us life beyond our immediate reality, alluding to better. These are the ones who are acquainted with the outcome. They teach us right from wrong and fulfill their mandate to paint the picture and pave the way to the destinies that befit the potential they seek to see lived out of us. However, the path from the "now" to our destiny is achieved by putting one foot in front of the other - one step at a time. Each rung of the ladder dealing with our characters, our life scripting and every one of the toxic false ideologies we may have adopted staying behind on the last step. One of the problems in our society lies in the deficiency of truth. Our leaders are on pedestals and soapboxes and generally seem to believe the best way to reach us is to lose their humanity. We have fuelled this notion because we feel we cannot afford to follow the flawed individual when we are trying to abandon our own flaws. But the truth is nobody can relate to a perfect person. It speaks to a distant reality and, having lived through the gruelling process of the attempt to change, one that is unattainable. 

Enter, my personal favourite brand of giant: The mentor. My experience with my mentor, Mama Kathy, differs from the conventional leader in that her involvement lies, not in the end goal, but in the process of taking the little steps in between. The intensity of this kind of interaction forces us into a place of truthfulness because charades and masks fall apart over time and exposure. This is a space of authenticity. A space where the truth of my mentor's daily walk to her greater purpose and her daily victories are so apparent that I cannot keep writing it off as unachievable. Walking with someone transforms the way you speak to them. You speak to the reality of them as you see it as opposed to generically pointing them towards something without any real understanding of what they need in the moment. For me, that is the kind of influence that has moved my heart the most. By bringing herself down to my level and meeting me where I am, Mama Kathy has learned to see the world through my eyes and to address the battles I face as if they were hers, but with greater wisdom; and to celebrate my victories the same way, but with greater understanding of the significance of each of my milestones. 

by Cheryl (Mentoree)

Who is the third who walks beside you?
When I count there are only you and I
together
But when I look up the white road
There is always another one walking
beside you
Gliding wrapt in a brown mantle, hooded
I do not know whether man or woman
- But who is that on the other side of you?

The Waste Land ~ TS Elliot