No more small talk

“If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.”  ~ Nelson Mandela                                                            

This is such an appropriate time for remembering a “history maker,” a “world changer,” a “freedom fighter,” a “minister of reconciliation.” What moves the world to remember such a man whom most never met? I believe it is because he communicated both in word and action that all people are to be valued. This special regard for people resounded throughout the numerous newspaper interviews I read from prison guards to bodyguards. It may have been as simple as acknowledging their Birthday or making sure his employees were served the same meals as himself – no favouritism or elitism allowed. From prisoner to President his love for people remained consistent. From dignitaries to the derelict, he showed no differences. Nelson Mandela had indeed learned to talk to a man in his language that penetrated his heart.

As I ponder this quality and legacy, I wonder if the same would be said of me? I say I’m here to serve this younger generation, but am I consistently talking to them in a language that goes to their hearts or to their heads? To be honest, I constantly ask myself if I am reaching their hearts. And if I’m not, I pray “Lord, help me to know how to communicate with them in their language.” Perhaps I am when I sit outside the Jameson Hall at the University of Cape Town waiting for one of my spiritual daughters, Cheryl, to exit as a graduate after a long, hard climb… I wonder if I’m talking to her in a language that is touching her heart? I can only hope so. I quote myself from my book "The Treasure Within", "Genuine parenting is rooted in the sharing of hearts - relationship." I realize more and more that the invitation for my spiritual children to share their hearts comes when I demonstrate that I care about their lives, and not just care, but consider their opinions and ideas. They need to know that they won't be quickly shut down or judged when they share something that they think won't meet with my approval. Have I offered them a platform for dialogue and discussion? Is it a case of together discovering the answers to their questions from the Word of God? I know I am on a similar journey that requires me to be just as open and vulnerable as I would like them to be with me. My own transparent communication reveals that I, too, haven't got life all figured out and I am still "working out my salvation with fear and trembling." In other words, I haven't arrived and am still very much in a process of new discoveries and working at applying truth and wisdom. I didn't start this way, rather quite the opposite. I would encourage them to share their hearts while withholding mine thinking I would lose respect in their eyes if they knew past and present processes and challenges. Only later did I discover that as much as I had greater respect for leaders who were open and vulnerable, the same held true for my children respecting me more as I allowed myself to be real with them. Now I endeavour, albeit not perfectly, to present to them a "reality" of walking and working out a relationship with Jesus and not a religious "form" that will ultimately suck life and genuine love from them. Is this how I can speak to them in their language that goes to their hearts? I can only hope so. 

by Kathy (Mentor)

How can one reach for what they cannot see? How can you aspire to what you have not known is out there beyond what you have lived your whole life seeing? Or harder still, what you do not realize is on the inside of you? How can you see above the fog that blankets your worldview unless you are standing on the shoulders of a giant?

Giants come to us in many forms. Parents, school teachers, pastors; the great leaders who stand before us modelling for us life beyond our immediate reality, alluding to better. These are the ones who are acquainted with the outcome. They teach us right from wrong and fulfill their mandate to paint the picture and pave the way to the destinies that befit the potential they seek to see lived out of us. However, the path from the "now" to our destiny is achieved by putting one foot in front of the other - one step at a time. Each rung of the ladder dealing with our characters, our life scripting and every one of the toxic false ideologies we may have adopted staying behind on the last step. One of the problems in our society lies in the deficiency of truth. Our leaders are on pedestals and soapboxes and generally seem to believe the best way to reach us is to lose their humanity. We have fuelled this notion because we feel we cannot afford to follow the flawed individual when we are trying to abandon our own flaws. But the truth is nobody can relate to a perfect person. It speaks to a distant reality and, having lived through the gruelling process of the attempt to change, one that is unattainable. 

Enter, my personal favourite brand of giant: The mentor. My experience with my mentor, Mama Kathy, differs from the conventional leader in that her involvement lies, not in the end goal, but in the process of taking the little steps in between. The intensity of this kind of interaction forces us into a place of truthfulness because charades and masks fall apart over time and exposure. This is a space of authenticity. A space where the truth of my mentor's daily walk to her greater purpose and her daily victories are so apparent that I cannot keep writing it off as unachievable. Walking with someone transforms the way you speak to them. You speak to the reality of them as you see it as opposed to generically pointing them towards something without any real understanding of what they need in the moment. For me, that is the kind of influence that has moved my heart the most. By bringing herself down to my level and meeting me where I am, Mama Kathy has learned to see the world through my eyes and to address the battles I face as if they were hers, but with greater wisdom; and to celebrate my victories the same way, but with greater understanding of the significance of each of my milestones. 

by Cheryl (Mentoree)

Who is the third who walks beside you?
When I count there are only you and I
together
But when I look up the white road
There is always another one walking
beside you
Gliding wrapt in a brown mantle, hooded
I do not know whether man or woman
- But who is that on the other side of you?

The Waste Land ~ TS Elliot

I have called you by name (Part 3)

I watched them leave and then went to sit down. As I looked into the distance I saw a lady approaching. When she came closer she said,

“Hello, Child, I have been sent by the Lover of your soul. I am to be what you so hoped your other teachers would be and weren’t. I have come to sit beside you, walk beside you, and help you to listen to your new heart, for out of it flows the wellsprings of life. You see, Child, it was your heart your Lover was pursuing. Your heart means a lot to Him. He is a jealous Lover and invites you to join Him in His story, which is full of beauty and wonder. He wants to be your first love. Child, you are His. Yes, other lovers will come, and He will even bring the one He trusts to represent Him to you in a covenant relationship. However, your satisfaction and identity will only come out of a relationship with the Lover of your soul. You were waiting for, looking for, hoping for, expecting and leaning upon those people throughout your life, but every time you did, they disappointed you. Only when you wait for, look for, hope for, expect and lean upon your Lover, will you not be disappointed. He is immovable, strong and definitely can be depended upon to never leave you nor forsake you. Did you know it was your Lover who named you? Your name Azzan means sharp. He always meant for that to be your identity. He has made your mouth like a sharp sword; in the shadow of His hand has He hid you and made you a polished arrow; in His quiver has He kept you close and concealed you. The Great Deceiver tried to steal that identity from you. He did everything He could to keep you dull, despondent and in despair, but the Lover of your soul, who so desired for your heart to be in love with His, made a way for your redemption, and has turned you into a sharp, threshing instrument. Azzan, you may have thought you were labouring in vain and spending your strength for nothing, but all along your just reward was with the Lover of your soul. He formed you in your mother’s womb to be His beloved, to give you as a covenant to the people, to raise them up and cause them to come into their inheritances. He called you to be a light to the nations, so His salvation may extend to the ends of the earth. The Lover of your soul has chosen you to say to those who are bound, ‘Come forth’ and to those who are in darkness, ‘Show yourselves, come into the light!’ He wants you to tell them they don’t have to hunger or thirst again, for He has mercy on them, and will lead and guide them by the springs of water. The Great Deceiver sought to destroy your life, but those who laid you waste shall go away from you, and the Lover of your soul will contend with those who contended against you. In the coming years, you will lift up your eyes round about and see all these children gathering together and coming to you, and you will wonder where they came from. You shall surely clothe yourself with them all as with an ornament and bind them on you as a bride does. And your Valley of Disaster will now be too small for your inhabitants. Azzan, those are the promises your Lover has made to you, and you are to walk in the fullness of them. Let’s sing for joy and be joyful, Azzan, for the Lover of our souls has comforted us and has compassion on His afflicted. Now, come let us enjoy Him together!”
(Story taken from the book "The Treasure Within" by Kathy Gooch)

I have called you by name (Part 2)

I could hear the voice of the Lover of my soul reassuring me He understood where I had come from and where my heart was now, by showing me His nail-pierced hands. Flowing from those hands was forgiveness and healing, and if I took hold of them in faith, I would know a freedom I had never known before.

I so needed those who knew the Lover of their own souls to help me understand how to make this connection—ones with selfless motives unlike those who had first crossed my path. As I came out from hiding, I discovered there were people who had been sent to help me. They explained that the Great Deceiver wanted me to try and remove the arrows myself; or better yet, cover them up and carry on with the journey. He knew as long as the arrows were lodged there, I would not have room to receive the enormity of the Lover of my soul’s heart; nor, see the beauty this journey offered to those who walk in wholeness.

The Lover of my soul Himself sent these helpers, because they too, had allowed Him to remove their arrows. They told me the Lover of my soul had been there when I was formed in my mother’s womb, and had named me as He beckoned me to emerge from the rock in which I was shaped. By coming to Him, I would receive healing and forgiveness, as He was the only One who could take the arrows out of my pierced and poisoned heart. I had a choice to let go of the arrows and receive His love and healing touch, or leave them embedded in my heart. Looking into my wounded heart, I decided I had nothing to lose and everything to gain, so I gave Him my heart full of arrows. One by one, He removed them and they fell to the ground. The Lover of my soul’s heart began to fill mine, for now there was room with the afflictions of the arrows gone. In the acceptable and favourable time, the Lover of my soul heard and answered me, and in the day of my salvation He preserved me. The helpers explained that the arrows the Great Deceiver had used to destroy my life were now the very arrows the Lover of my soul was using to strike against him.

One of the helpers picked up the arrow of affliction—REJECTION, and turned it around to show me the Lover of my soul Himself had ACCEPTED me. I was honoured, chosen and highly favoured. Even

though the one who bore me had forgotten and forsaken me, my Lover had indelibly imprinted a picture of me on the palms of His hands. Another picked up the arrow of FEAR, and turned it around to show me that His LOVE had covered the FEAR in which I once walked. Another picked up the arrow of PERFORMANCE, and turned it around to reveal my Lover’s GRACE replaced the weight of trying to seek other people’s approval. I felt so free knowing His grace was all-sufficient for me. Another picked up the arrow of IMMORALITY. The very sin I had committed out of pride had been forgiven and was being turned into REDEMPTION to help bring others into a place of restoration. Then I picked up the arrow I had afflicted upon myself —BITTERNESS, and turned it around and saw its redemptive power—FORGIVENESS. With the same forgiveness I had received from the Lover of my soul, I was to extend that to others.

One of them reached over and picked up a quiver, but this quiver was empty. She placed it over me and explained the Lover of my soul had redeemed each of those arrows, and I would now discover the beautiful Treasure within. The very arrows the Great Deceiver had used against me, I was now to pull out and use against him. When a situation came my way that took me back to a place of REJECTION, I needed to pull out of my quiver the arrow of ACCEPTANCE, and use it to pierce the Great Deceiver. When FEAR would try and creep into my heart, I was to pull out the arrow of LOVE, because perfect LOVE casts out all FEAR. When I was tempted to seek the approval of people through PERFORMANCE, and live up to their expectations, I would pull out the arrow of GRACE, knowing that I was loved by my Lover, unconditionally. The only one I desired to please was Him, and not people, because my true worth and value was found in Him alone. And when I saw anyone being tempted to give their heart to a Lesser Lover, I was to pull out my arrow of REDEMPTION, and share my testimony with them, in hopes they wouldn’t be pierced with a similar arrow of IMMORALITY. When the Great Deceiver would attempt to seduce me into getting bitter or offended over the things people did or said, I was to pull out my arrow of FORGIVENESS, remembering I, too, had offended and grieved my Lover, and He had freely forgiven me. With this, the helpers bade me farewell and left…

I have called you by name (Part 1)

How does it feel to be born of a woman and have no choice in the matter; to be brought into a world you did not create; to be given a name as you were embedded in your mother’s womb?

At the onset of a “New Day,” a call from the depths of creation rang out and beckoned me to emerge from the rock in which I was shaped; from the place where I had been hidden and concealed. I was quickly introduced to people and an environment I did not choose, nor necessarily desire. Yet, having no choice, I had been chosen, and so what was I to do with all that had been handed to me at the awakening of a “New Dawn”? I had been given a name, a calling, and an intrinsic desire to be connected with the Lover of my soul. This Lover had me in His mind since the beginning of time. The invitation to make the connection and to enjoy the beauty of His heart was there, but how would I find Him? My eyes were dim and my ears dull. Someone was needed who would lead me to this Lover. Surely, the one who had birthed me would guide me along the journey to make this heart connection. Surely, she would see the treasures within, for wasn’t she the one who had named me? I waited for, looked for, hoped for, expected and leaned upon her to be my guide. Instead, she sent into my heart the first arrow of affliction— REJECTION. I had been forsaken and forgotten by the one who should have had compassion on her child. The one in whom I thought would lead me to the Lover of my soul; instead, led me to a place of betrayal. If the one who bore me couldn’t lead me on this journey, perhaps then the one who had given birth to her could? I waited for, looked for, hoped for, expected and leaned upon her to show me the way, but instead, she showed me rules, rituals and religion. And the arrow of affliction— FEAR, took root into my heart.

Entering the realm of formal learning, I was put behind forms and structures and in front of a teacher. I waited for, looked for, hoped for, expected and leaned upon him to help connect my heart with the Lover of my soul. Surely, he had been placed in that role as my guide. I was taught what to do in order to survive and succeed in an environment where people were to be pleased and praised. At the end of many years, I graduated with an arrow of PERFORMANCE. My certificate stated I had completed the requirements of meeting people’s expectations in order to gain their approval and acceptance. As that arrow of affliction pierced my heart, pride oozed out. I resolved that if this was how to gain people’s hearts, I would do it. I didn’t know that by gaining others’ hearts and allowing pride to take root in mine, I was forfeiting my connection with the Lover of my soul.

With the arrows of REJECTION, FEAR and PERFORMANCE already lodged deeply into my heart, I became the prime target for the Great Deceiver’s subtlest arrow. I waited for, looked for, hoped for, expected and leaned upon the one who called herself a friend. She was popular and accepted by those around her; surely, she was someone who could lead me to the Lover of my soul. It seems even the ones who look the strongest are often the weakest at the core of their beings; having had their own hearts pierced by those arrows of affliction. This friend introduced me to a lover who I thought was most like the Lover Himself. What would it hurt if I gave my heart to this Lesser Lover? Perhaps finding this form of love was really all there was ever meant to be? Perhaps I had fooled myself into thinking there was ever going to be a connection with the Lover of my soul? I had already lost so much, so why not lose it all, thus the arrow of IMMORALITY lodged within my heart. Once I gave away my heart and my Lesser Lover gained what he was pursuing, I was once again rejected, and this time I allowed the arrow of BITTERNESS to take root in my heart. The poison from this arrow proved to be a far greater poison than all the other arrows. I cast blame on the one who had birthed me and the one who had born her. I could not get over how the one who had taught me also disappointed me. I resented the one who had led me to the Lesser Lover and I despised the one who had used me. Worst of all, I began to hate myself and became a prisoner in my own skin. The one who had been formed, called, and named in her mother’s womb was wasting away.

These arrows were consuming me with pain. I tried pulling them out, but that was even more agonizing. I tried covering them up, but to no avail. They were becoming too overwhelming for me to handle, and I was quickly losing heart. If only there was someone who could help me understand what was happening? I had someone try to tell me I was justified in feeling the way I did; that I was a victim in this cycle of life. The arrows were who I was and I just had to live with them. If I was to follow this road, I would require from others what I wouldn’t require of myself. Others told me in order to make it through this tragic life I should become a survivor, ensuring no one would come close to my heart.

This confused me all the more. The only thing I knew was to silence their voices and the longing for that connection with the Lover of my soul, and return to the rock from which I had been shaped, and hide. It was there I thought about all the times I had concealed my pain behind a smile. It was there I thought about how I was so inadequate and undeserving of love. It was there I tried to cover up the arrows that were deeply embedded within my heart. It was there I came to the reality of the enormous mistake I made. Shame overshadowed me like a thick, wet blanket, making me stoop under its heaviness. But it was there I heard a voice, not a loud voice, but rather a still small voice, speaking comfort to my heart and alluring me to come out from hiding…