Living Regret-Free

So it’s my Birthday today and I’ve been thinking – not unusual for me! Interacting with hundreds of University students, many of whom I’m discipling and mentoring in leadership, I like to ask them “What is the best teacher?” The majority will respond, “Experience.” I would have said the same before being exposed to the leadership teachings of John Maxwell. His take on it is that the best teacher is evaluated experience. Reflective thinking is essential to turning experience into insight. Evaluated experience helps us to know what to continue doing and what not to do. I’m a firm believer in reflective thinking. I’m tending to do more of it in my latter years seeing that I don’t have the time or energy to not learn from my experiences and turn them into insight that will help guide me the remainder of my years. Way too old to be haphazard and unintentional! 

I’ve heard it said that life is lived forward but understood backwards which makes me ask myself, “Do I have regrets? And if so, how can I ensure that I rectify those and don’t continue living that way?” If we asked the more elderly amongst us we would hear them express sadness, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done particularly in areas of loss or missed opportunity. We would probably hear many of them say, “I wish I hadn’t spent so much of my life worrying. I wish I had forgiven more. I wish I had cared less about what other people think. I wish I had lived up to my full potential. I wish I had faced my fears. I wish I’d stopped chasing wrong things. I wish I’d lived more in the moment. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. I wish I'd let myself be happier. I wish I'd had the courage to be true to myself and not what people expected of me…”

Is it possible to live a life that is regret-free? As a person devoted to Jesus Christ, who definitely left this earth leaving behind no regrets, yes, I believe it’s possible. Jesus lived regret-free because His mission was to hear what the Father said and do it. It’s also possible for us when we take seriously our relationship with Jesus by making the Word a priority in our lives, and not just reading it, but obeying it. Living regret-free means being faithful to the person of Jesus Christ. It is realizing that He knows us better than we know ourselves so we trust Him. It means submitting to His will and His ways. 

Living regret-free doesn’t mean living perfectly, but making imperfect progress. Here are some ways that I’ve been learning to live regret-free, albeit making imperfect progress.

Love and give unconditionally. Keep short accounts in relationships. Confess more. Be known. Be real. Ask for the gift of tears – a repentant heart. Don’t make assumptions (the lowest level of knowledge) that you know something or someone. Listen well. Show and tell that you care. Don’t finish a day without thanking, encouraging and blessing someone. Find out what you were called to, and made for, and do it. Take time with your heart – listening to it, guarding it above all else. Leave a legacy – ask yourself what and whom you are leaving behind. Push the pause button and evaluate so as not to do the same thing the same way expecting a different result. Be willing to change and readjust. Don’t get stuck in a rut – try new things and see from new perspectives. Honour, respect, value and serve others. Laugh at yourself. Encounter nature – hike - take walks – sit on rocks – lie on the grass – stare at the ocean and mountains. Look after your earth suit. Stop to ask someone’s name and the meaning of it. Live up to your potential. Know that there is always more. Do it afraid. Think about yourself less and pray for others more. Don’t stop learning from those around you – even children. Wherever you are, be there. Don’t live in isolation. Invite and don’t wait to be invited. Welcome challenges into your life. Turn off the TV, the laptop, and the cellphone and be still and know God and those around you. Be friends with silence. See the possibilities. Linger a little longer in the Word. Make His joy complete by letting Him live His life out of you. Enjoy the journey. Take the long way home and walk each other home. Go further with fewer. Believe in what God’s grace can do in someone’s life. Hold things, people, and the future loosely. Find out why you do what you do and get the help you need to change. Read a book. Bake a cake for someone’s Birthday. Celebrate others’ lives before they are gone. Live loved. Give your best to those who either cross your path or stay on it – go to heaven empty. Live with eternity in mind.

The Other Side of Why

I read this phrase somewhere recently and it’s had me asking the question, “What is the other side of why?” It baffles me that I didn’t come up with the answer sooner because it seems so obvious. For me “The other side of why” is “Why not?” I was giving an offering message at my church last week and I shared from Matthew 7:19-21. Jesus is making it clear, to His disciples and now to us that we are not to lay up treasures on earth, but rather in heaven. He further challenges His listeners that our hearts will follow our treasures. Many of us would question, “Why give?” of our time, treasures and talents. My rebuttal has become “Why not?” Many would say, “I can’t afford to give” and I again would respond, “You can’t afford not to.” 

Perhaps many of us are too afraid to look at the other side of why because it will expose where our treasures are and consequently where our hearts are. Who wants to find their hearts in a place of selfishness, or fear, or complacency, or apathy? It may be hard to believe that even though I’ve been a full-time missionary for the past 20 years I, too, have lived on this side of why. Yes I gave but often with conditions, reservations, unbelief that anything I was giving was making a difference. It’s taken some challenges along my journey to help me cross over to the other side of why and live in the why not give unconditionally of my time, treasures and talents. I read this quote by Oswald Chambers, my favourite devotional writer, a few months ago and it really struck me: “We are saved from hell and total destruction, and then we talk about making sacrifices!” Quite a rebuke! He who was timeless stepped into time, relinquished His treasures in heaven to join us on this decrepit earth, and gave all He had so we had something worth giving away. Truly it isn’t about doing Him a favour. Rather, it’s about freely giving away Who has been so freely given to us. It’s about making it our aim to be well pleasing to Him (2 Corinthians 5:9). 

There are plenty of opportunities out there to give of our time, treasures and talents. For example, the last few years I have given my time to participate in a spinathon where funds go to human trafficking victims. It helps to bring awareness to the community of the realities of these audacities happening in their own city and nation. Many would say, “Why do it as it’s just a drop in an ocean?” But the other side of why says, “Even a drop has a ripple effect!” 

Let’s live on the other side of why and start demonstrating the why not?

Why not reach out to someone today with a smile, a word of encouragement, a “Thank you”, an “I’m sorry”, a “Bless you”?

Why not pray for those who seem beyond God’s reach?

Why not send a whats app or facebook message or an email saying, “I’m thinking of you. How are you doing?”

Why not do some volunteering and invest in widows, orphans, the marginalized?

Let’s be as Jesus exhorts us in Matthew 5, “…be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.”

Covered in His Dust (Part 3)

One day when Simon was mending the nets on the shore, Andrew came running towards him, shouting, “Simon, Simon, we have found the Messiah!” As he approached, he grabbed and pulled Simon’s arm, excitedly saying, “You must come with me at once! I have met the Messiah!” Simon loosened Andrew’s grip and said, “What are you talking about, Andrew? You’ve lost your mind. What makes you think you have found the Messiah?” Andrew blurted out, “I was with John the Baptist and he pointed to a man coming toward us and said, ‘Behold the Lamb of God!’ Another disciple and myself started following this man and He stopped and asked us, ‘What do you seek?’ We responded, ‘Rabbi, where are you staying?’ He then invited us to come and see where He was staying. We followed and remained with Him for the day. His name is Jesus. I couldn’t wait to tell you and bring you to Him. Please, Simon, come with me!” Simon hesitated a moment, and then decided he had nothing to lose. He dropped his tangled nets and ran behind his brother. When they arrived where Jesus was staying, Andrew went to Jesus and said, “Rabbi, this is my brother.” Jesus looked at Simon and said, “You are Simon, son of John. You will be called Cephas (Peter).” Simon was stunned. With his first introduction to this rabbi, he had been renamed. Who was this man? Something was very unusual about Him? Why did He rename him? These were questions swirling in Simon’s head.

Several weeks had passed since this encounter with Jesus, the rabbi. Simon and Andrew were casting their nets out into the sea. They weren’t far from the shore when they heard a familiar voice call out to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men!” Simon glanced over his shoulder and saw Jesus standing on the shore, beckoning them to come. He could hardly believe it. This rabbi was calling him to come and follow Him. Surely Jesus knew he had been rejected as a disciple, Simon thought. Otherwise, why would he be fishing and not following another rabbi, being covered in his dust? This rabbi, the most respected and talked about person in their region was now inviting him to be His disciple. How unexpected! How honouring! He immediately left the nets and followed Jesus. This had to be the best day of his life! Jesus invited other disciples that had also been rejected to follow Him. Simon would hear Him say to each one, “Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Wow, Peter thought this was unimaginable—a rabbi not requiring him to answer all His questions, a rabbi who didn’t expect him to be the ‘best of the best of the best,’ a rabbi who actually chose him and not him choosing the rabbi, a rabbi that accepted him with all his failures. This rabbi offered him an easy and light yoke, one he wouldn’t carry alone, but rather, share it with Him. This was definitely a yoke that he was willing to bow his neck for. This was a rabbi Peter wanted to follow.

Peter knew Jesus believed in him even when he didn’t believe in himself. He was the only rabbi that searched for His disciples. Many would be called, but few would be chosen. Many would be used, but He would only walk with a few. He chose Peter and appointed him to go and bear fruit—fruit that would last. Jesus wouldn’t demand from him, or the other disciples, spiritual activity, but would rather encourage them to be fruitful. How freeing this was compared to what the other rabbis required. Jesus didn’t expect His disciples to perform for Him. They had Jesus’ approval without trying to win it. Peter knew that Jesus had faith in him and the others; and although they had failed by the other rabbis’ standards, He knew they had what it took to be His disciples.

For the next three years Peter and the other disciples would follow closely behind their Rabbi, Jesus. Jesus was true to His promise that His yoke was easy and light. The other rabbis would teach their interpretation of the Scriptures, but fail to practise what they taught. They would weigh their disciples down with unbearable, religious demands and strict rules; yet, were unwilling to help those who were struggling under the burden of the rules. They would do good things so others would take notice of them—recite lengthy passages of Scriptures; pray long prayers; take the most important seats at a feast or in the synagogue; and expect people to greet them with respect in the market and want them to call them “Rabbi.” Their yoke was heavy and burdensome. 

Peter was aware that Jesus was worthy of honour and respect and should be served, but he never demanded it. In fact, his life exemplified a servant leader who practised what He taught, “Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” Peter shuddered to think what he would have been like if he had become another rabbi’s talmudeen? It seemed God had spared him of that, and for some strange reason, had chosen him to follow this great, humble, Rabbi, Jesus.

Peter, the disciple, would have many humbling lessons to learn along his journey with Jesus. Despite this, he never grew tired of hearing the old men call out to him, when his robe was covered in dust and dirt, “May you be covered in His dust, my friend!”

(Chapter taken from my book “The Treasure Within - Searching beneath the surface.”)

Covered in His Dust (Part 2)

Rabbi Samuel carefully examined Simon. He looked presentable on the outside, but did he have what it would take to be his disciple? He wanted to know if Simon would be able to emulate him in every way. Would he master his philosophy and his interpretation of Scripture, called a yoke? He wondered if this young boy would develop into a successful rabbi and be able to teach and spread his yoke. The only way to find out was to ask him various questions. And he did this with increased velocity. Simon kept up at the beginning, but then became overwhelmed at the depth of questions and the requirement to respond with another question. Finally the questioning stopped. Rabbi Samuel, once again, looked Simon over. He gazed intently into Simon’s eyes and said, “Ah, my son, you do know Torah. There is no doubt you know it well, but you are not able to be my talmudeen.” He could see the deep disappointment in Simon’s face and continued, “Son, go back to your village. Learn your family’s business. Pursue marriage and have lots of children and pray that one will become a rabbi to fulfill your dream. I’m sorry, but you won’t be studying to be a rabbi.” With his head down, Simon walked away.

How was he going to face his father? He would be devastated. All that studying for nothing, Simon thought. He had tried so hard to be ‘the best of the best of the best;’ and yet, fell short. He slowly walked home and waited for his father to return from fishing. When his father arrived home he overheard his mother ask, “What did you catch today?” “Nothing,” he replied. “Is Simon home?” “Yes, he’s inside and he’s been waiting for you,” his mother replied. “Oh good, I’m sure he has come home with a good report,” Simon’s father said confidently, as he entered the house. “Simon, I can’t wait to hear how it went with Rabbi Samuel. I’m sure he chose you to be his talmudeen. We need to invite our relatives for a celebration. My son, Rabbi Samuel’s talmudeen! What an honour to be…” Simon interrupted, “Abba, I don’t know how to tell you this, but…I…I wasn’t chosen to be Rabbi Samuel’s talmudeen.” Not wanting to see the disappointment in his father’s face, Simon stared at the floor and continued, “Abba, I am so sorry. I know how much you wanted me to be a rabbi, but Rabbi Samuel said I didn’t have what it took to be his disciple…” “But I don’t understand,” his father interjected, shaking his head, “You studied so hard. I just don’t understand?” He turned and went out the door. Simon sat down on the floor and wanted to cry. This had to be the worst day of his life! 

Simon’s father didn’t mention that day again. Simon knew how disappointed his father was, but he also knew that he was the kind of man who went on with life, making the most of it. Simon now needed to join his father fishing to help with the family business. His days began before sunrise—needing to be at their small boat on the Sea of Galilee. On many occasions, after pulling the boat ashore, he would see in the distance Rabbi Samuel with his disciples, all following closely behind him. These were the students who were the ‘best of the best of the best.’ They had what it took to become a rabbi. They were the ones that Rabbi Samuel would have said, “Lech Acharai—Come, follow me. Take my ‘yoke’ upon you.” This meant, take my interpretation of the Torah upon you. These were the disciples that left their family, their village and everything familiar to them, so as to follow in this rabbi’s footsteps. These were the young men that gave their lives to be exactly like this rabbi, even to the extent of chewing their food like him. 

As they passed by Simon, he heard the older men shout to the disciples, “May you be covered in the dust of your rabbi, my friend!” These disciples followed so closely behind their rabbi that the dust and mud he created would be caked all over the front of their robes. Simon felt his heart sink when he heard these words. He had so desperately tried to be one of them. What an honour it would have been to be covered in his rabbi’s dust. He stopped thinking and staring at them and resumed mending the fishing nets.

A few years passed, but life for Simon hadn’t changed much. He was now married and in charge of the family fish business, and was doing well financially. He did this along with his brother, Andrew, who also had been rejected by the well-known and respected rabbi. Simon only knew how to fish. He had no idea his future was about to change upon meeting a “fisher of men,” and “rabbi” like no other...

Covered in His Dust (Part 1)

“Simon, time to get up,” his mother called, as she looked at her six year-old son still sleeping on the mat. Simon sat up and rubbed his eyes. Still half-asleep, he made his way outside where his mother was roasting grain on the fire. She handed him a piece of barley bread and stroked his dark, curly hair. Bending over to kiss him on the cheek, she asked, “Simon, aren’t you excited? Today is your first day at Bet Sefer!” Simon’s mouth was too full to respond, so instead he nodded in agreement. Indeed, Simon was excited to be going to the local synagogue school called, Bet Sefer or “house of the book.” Along with the other local Jewish boys his age (6-10 years old), he would start attending classes Monday to Friday. After eating his bread and washing his face, Simon scurried off to the synagogue. He joined the other boys sitting on the floor in a semicircle. Rabbi Abraham sat on a stool facing the boys. One of the older boys handed to each student a grey slate for writing. Rabbi Abraham lifted up a clay jar, and getting up from his stool, he walked over to the boys and poured honey from the jar onto their slates. Honey was a sign of God’s favour. “Now class, lick the honey off your slate and your fingers,” Rabbi Abraham announced. As Simon and the other boys obeyed, he continued, “May the words of God be sweet to your taste, sweeter than honey to your mouth.” He was quoting Psalm 119:103. He wanted his students to know that honey was sweet and pleasurable, but it would never be as sweet or pleasurable as the words of God. This was Simon’s introduction to the Scriptures. He would soon discover there was indeed nothing more enjoyable in the entire world than tasting and receiving the words of God and integrating them into his life. Simon happily returned home from his first day at Bet Sefer and told his mother that the rabbi let him lick honey off his slate! His mother assured him that he would not be allowed to do that at home.

By the time Simon was ten years old he had the entire Torah, or first five books of the Bible, memorized. His parents were very proud of him. They were a poor family, living in a one-room house with Simon and his younger brother, Andrew. His father was a fisherman and had good and bad days for catching fish and selling them at the local market. He wanted his sons to have a better life than what he had, so he was very pleased when Simon had graduated from Bet Sefer and would now be attending Bet Talmud—“house of learning.” If he became the ‘best of the best’ at this school, he would then have a chance of being selected to follow one of the great rabbis. Simon applied himself to Rabbi Josephus’ teachings and became very good at answering his questions with another question. “Simon!” Rabbi Josephus would shout from across the room, “What is two plus two?” Simon would shout back, “Rabbi Josephus, what is 8 minus 4 or 16 divided by 4 or 25% of 16?” Rabbi Josephus would smile and reply, “Well done, Simon, you are proof that the highest form of worship is studying.” By the time Simon and his friends had reached 13 years of age, they had memorized the rest of the Hebrew Scriptures all the way to the book of Malachi.

“Simon, wake up!” his father said shaking him. “Today is your big day! You need to get washed and ready to present yourself to Rabbi Samuel.” “I’m awake, Abba,” Simon replied as he got up from his mat. “Abba, I think you are more nervous than I am,” Simon said, as he went over to the table and poured water into the bowl to wash his face. As he was doing this his father asked, “Simon, are you really ready to meet Rabbi Samuel today? You know he is the most well-known, respected and powerful rabbi in Bethsaida. Are you ready to answer his questions?” Simon lifted the nearby cloth and dried his face. He turned to his father and answered, “Abba, I will do my best. I know the other boys also want to be his ‘talmudeen’ (student). I know that Rabbi Samuel will choose only the best of the best of the best. Please pray for me.” With that, Simon got dressed, grabbed a piece of barley bread and ran to the synagogue.

Simon felt the pressure. His father desperately wanted him to follow a rabbi, as it was considered the highest honour in his culture. He didn’t want to disappoint his father. He also knew his own reputation was at stake, and he wanted to be known as, ‘the best of the best of the best.’ Simon arrived at the synagogue finding his fellow students all waiting to be quizzed by Rabbi Samuel. He eagerly joined them on the floor. As he waited, he watched many leave dejected, knowing the rabbi had turned them down. Simon was determined not to let this discourage him. After all, he had studied hard and made it this far; he couldn’t fail now. His name was called and he walked toward Rabbi Samuel. Stopping in front of him, he said, “Rabbi Samuel, I want to become your disciple, your talmudeen. Will you allow me into your Bet Midrash—‘house of study’?” Simon knew this request meant that he desired to give his life to follow this well-known, respected and powerful rabbi. He didn’t just want to know what the rabbi taught, but he wanted to be just like him in every way— imitating both his teaching and his lifestyle...